Shulou(Shulou.com)11/24 Report--

This article comes from the official account of Wechat: ID:chuappgame, author: Peng Chuwei

In the past, the etiquette expenditure in rural areas was not all waste and luxury, which played an important role in social life. Today, they seem to be becoming a kind of cage.

Zhang Donglan is worrying about human feelings.

On September 29, 2023, the first wave of people returning home began to arrive. The black car drove into the yard and the Li Guozhu family went home.

When parking, the wheel ran over a bundle of yellow edamame beans in the sun on the edge of the yard, and the sound alarmed Zhang Donglan. She came out of the kitchen and saw Li Guozhu standing in the yard talking. Li Guozhu is the eldest brother of Zhang Donglan's husband. He usually does business in Shenzhen and belongs to the most active relative of Zhang Donglan's husband. This time Li Guozhu came back with his family. Zhang Donglan saw her one-year-old nephew and grandson crying in the arms of his niece's daughter-in-law, and the nephews were unloading their luggage from the carriage. She beckoned her son to help, turned upstairs, dug out the red bag from the bedroom drawer and stuffed it with several banknotes.

Red envelopes need cash. Thirty hundred-dollar bills are stacked neatly in the drawer. Zhang Donglan withdrew the money from rural credit cooperatives before the holiday. On the way home, she met an acquaintance. She was asked what she had done. She stuffed her hand into her pocket, shook her shoulder and said, "Oh, take the money as a favor."

Li Guozhu is sociable and he is happy to invite everyone to dinner. "everyone" includes three families of his two brothers and a sister. This National Day, Li Guozhu returned to the village, in addition to celebrating the festival, he also planned to do "Zhou Jing" for his grandson Li Guo, that is, to hold a banquet to celebrate Li Guo's first birthday.

Zhang Donglan called "Zhou Jing" human contact. The core of human feelings is the red packet. At the dinner table, every adult should give Li Guo a red envelope. Each red packet contains 200 yuan, because Zhang Donglan's son is an adult and lives alone, so his son's family also has to give Li Guo a red envelope.

When his son was short of money, Zhang Donglan paid for him, and 30 banknotes became 26.

In Zhangfang Village, Longyan City, Fujian Province, where Zhang Donglan is located, "human feelings" is an unavoidable word.

The tilted scale had dinner at Li Guozhu's house, and everyone gathered around Li Guo to ask for warmth, and all gave red envelopes.

Having done favors, people scattered in twos and threes and sat in the middle of the yard looking at the moon. By the moonlight, Zhang Donglan saw a shadow appear at the gate of the yard from thick to light. Zhang Donglan moved the stool to the door and saw clearly that it was her sister Zhang Chunlan.

"what about doing a favor?" Zhang Chunlan opened her nostrils at Zhang Donglan, indicating that she smelled the wine. Her eyes pointed to Li Guozhu, who was sitting.

Zhang Donglan followed her sister's eyes, and the wrinkles on her cheeks stretched and shrank and said, "invite us to dinner again!"

After a moment of silence, Zhang Chunlan comforted and said, "well, at least there is only one child in his family."

During this year's National Day, Zhang Chunlan prepared a human fee of 2000 yuan, which is less than Zhang Donglan, but she is under more pressure than her sister.

Zhang Chunlan's husband died two years ago, leaving her alone with her son. Before last year, Zhang Chunlan did not suffer much human pressure because her son was born early, went to school late, and did not graduate last year. Whenever there is a human relationship, as long as she brings her son to attend, she can receive a red envelope. When the red packet comes back, the income and expenditure of the relationship are always the same.

It was not until this year that Zhang Chunlan realized how much money human feelings cost. Her son graduated and found a job, just enough to support himself, which means that the family will no longer give her red envelopes with the words "academic success" for various reasons. At the same time, in the past few years of the epidemic, several of her brothers and sisters-in-law have given birth to children one after another, and there are more and more occasions where human interaction is needed.

She herself is old enough to retire. In September this year, Zhang Chunlan had just finished her work at the town health center, and when she lost her income, she found that human feelings had become a big part of the expenditure.

The National Day holiday was the first difficulty, and relatives and friends abroad returned to the village at this time. Relatives, friends and colleagues all seize the opportunity to hold weddings at this time.

Her personal expenses of 2000 yuan are planned as follows: 300 yuan for each of the three weddings, 200 yuan for the birthday of an uncle of the family, and 300 yuan for ginger ale for the nephew's one-month birth. in addition, there is a big head, the eldest brother moved to a new home in September, the National Day came back to treat, to give 600 yuan red envelopes.

"Why are you giving 600 yuan? do you want noodles or not?" Zhang Donglan interrupted her sister's talk.

Feeling misunderstood and a little dissatisfied, Zhang Chunlan quickly explained: "when my son graduated, the eldest brother gave 600 yuan in red envelopes, and this time he had to pay it back."

With that, she asked Zhang Donglan, "how much did you pay the last time Li Guozhu moved?"

"1000 yuan." As Zhang Donglan spoke, her face huddled. "when his son moved, he gave him 1000 yuan, and then I had to give this amount, but he has moved four or five times, giving a total of 5000 yuan, and he can't get it back."

The two men were silent again.

The courtyard is surrounded by the home of Zhang Donglan's husband's brothers. Zhang Donglan said that human contact is like a "scale." At the bottom of her heart, there is a scale, one side is the gratitude given, the other side is the kindness received. The shallow emphasis of human feelings is reflected in the number of banknotes in the red packet, which is very intuitive. At the same time, there are less intuitive aspects of human feelings, which often reflect the prosperity of family life. And vaguely connected with the present and the future-is his son proud? Can you afford to buy a house, get a doctor's degree, or have a lot of children?

In other words, can the kindness paid today be recovered in the future?

The answer to this question is the meaning of the existence of this scale. There is a distant part of Zhang Donglan's sorrow: the balance is gradually tilting towards the side of giving. She no longer has many chips in her hand, but others are still playing in a steady stream.

Compared with Zhang Donglan, who threw herself into the game without thinking, Zhang Chunlan thought more clearly about the meaning of "human feelings".

In Zhang Chunlan's view, human contact makes everyone keep an account in the hearts of colleagues, friends and relatives. In the rules of communication based on this personal account, no one is allowed to leave, and everyone should keep in mind all the participants so that they can "not lose money" and "not be annoyed by others".

Zhang Chunlan was born in 1975 and first participated in human relationships during her full moon.

Neighbors and uncles drank sweet soup made from brown sugar and rice and sent red envelopes containing RMB to her hand. She grabbed them subconsciously, so the game began.

During her long and short period of singleness, it was these people and their children who formed the human circle that surrounded her. In June 1997, she got married and got the human circle on her husband's side, which formed a larger circle.

Zhang Chunlan lived for 48 years. During these 48 years, she has experienced many major events: birth, full moon, full anniversary, annual Spring Festival and birthday; she has also experienced unexpected accidents such as her first survival from a high fever, admission to a good local high school, the death of her father, and so on. In all the major events and accidents, it is full of human contact.

Before she reached adulthood, like many of her peers, the red packets she received could not be kept in her pocket for more than a day. That night, she had to hand in all the red envelopes and remember who gave each red packet. Mother will take these red packets apart and close them, and leave them intact to give them back to others later.

In other words, when she really realized what human feelings are, and when she had the ability to think about this set of rules, the human relationship around her had happened countless times. Before she knew it, she, like most people, had accepted human interaction as a part of life.

In the Mid-Autumn Festival, there are many people in the village to treat people to dinner. Zhang Chunlan took the initiative to participate in this game for the first time, which was her first year of working in a vocational high school.

That year, her sister gave birth to twins, and she stuffed her first month's salary of 400 yuan into a red envelope to her sister. At that time, Zhang Chunlan regarded red envelopes as a way to express friendship and joy. she thought that friendship was the greatest in "human feelings", but after that, when her old classmates at school invited her to the wedding, she had to borrow money to do this less affectionate favor.

After the first few favors, she began to be as busy as her peers in figuring out how to take it back. For Zhang Chunlan, who is in her 20s and has nothing to worry about, every relationship is an expense, just like the admission fee for the game. If she wants to recover the initial favors, she has to maintain these relationships and continue to play.

From this point of view, human contact is like a game. You can't control the beginning of the game, but as long as you start, the player will get deeper and deeper and lose some freedom. When she got married, Zhang Chunlan once thought, "instead of having a grand wedding, just have a meal at home." But because the family opposes giving up: if you don't hold a wedding in a hotel, you will be embarrassed to do a favor, and if you don't have a favor, you will charge a lot less money.

After marriage, he gave birth to a son, lost his father, and brought his son into adulthood. Zhang Chunlan is getting older and older, and she finds that the human feelings she has to do are becoming more and more elaborate.

In Zhang Chunlan's parents' generation, everyone lived a similar life, and there was always a balance between human expenditure and income.

When Zhang Chunlan reached this age, she felt more and more that it was very difficult to maintain her balance: there was always someone who had an advantage in the rules, which was directly reflected in the fact that there were always more opportunities for people to be human, both because some people were "noisy" and willing to do anything worth celebrating as a human favor. It is also because there are always people who live a good life, have more children, or have more children, and there are countless human favors to do.

In recent years, it seems that it has become more difficult to make money, so people are more eager to find reasons to be human. Everyone wants the money they used to lay the groundwork for. But after a year, there are always people who don't get the money. In the eyes of Zhang Chunlan and Zhang Donglan, the people who confiscated the money were young girls like them.

Zhang Chunlan feels that this has something to do with her personality: "people who are so relaxed and are not good at publicity suffer a lot."

Zhang Donglan agrees, complaining: "in addition to spending money, it also takes a lot of time and effort."

This year's National Day holiday, Zhang Donglan's son can only stay at home for three days. Zhang Chunlan specially asked for three days off, but the next day she received a phone call. Her own brother in Shenzhen went home and was ready to hold an "enrollment banquet" for her daughter to be admitted to the master's degree in the county. To this end, she had to get up early to catch the bus, take only two buses a day to the county, and come back in the evening, which was almost a waste of holiday.

The "enrollment banquet" is arranged on October 1. Zhang Chunlan came to see Zhang Donglan on the Mid-Autumn Festival to discuss this matter.

"how much are you going to give Fangzi to go to school?" Zhang Chunlan asked.

"give 600 yuan. When your son went to college, he gave him 600 yuan." Zhang Donglan lowered her voice and said tentatively.

"Why should I give 600 yuan? is the postgraduate entrance examination different from the university entrance examination?" Zhang Chunlan's voice is sometimes high and sometimes low, when it comes to money, it is high.

Zhang Donglan suddenly understood what Zhang Chunlan meant, and her face relaxed: "you have no salary, you can give less, do not compare them to those who go out."

"I want face." Zhang Chunlan said.

For Zhang Chunlan, human contact still has a little meaning to show off. Of course, it is important to have a good life, but it is even more important to let others see it. Since others want to show off, they have no choice but to go, and not to go is to lose face to others and themselves. It was with this understanding that she refused to give up participating in this human game for a moment.

After the etiquette expense was invited to the enrollment banquet, Zhang Donglan's 26 banknotes became 20. At the same time, she remembered the embarrassment on Zhang Chunlan's face before she left.

For people of their age, money always goes to a "fixed" place. Each year, these places are divided into many categories: expenditure on house decoration, future son bride price, pension, skills training and medical treatment, as well as working capital in addition to these expenses.

"all the money is kept in its proper place and will never be misappropriated except in special circumstances." This is Zhang Donglan's credo.

The cost of human interaction is the same as that of meals, which belong to working capital. Human relations and meals are the two biggest expenses in daily life. The problem is that they have retired and have no income, which can only be saved by taking temporary jobs.

After Zhang Chunlan left, Zhang Donglan made a phone call under the moon. The call is for the owner of the drugstore where she works. The drugstore is in the county, and the owner is from Zhangfang village, celebrating the festival in the village.

The work of the drugstore begins with the usual greeting on the phone: "Hey!" it's me, Donglan Zi. "

On the other end of the phone was the sound of glass clinking and conversation, and someone was responding vaguely.

Zhang Donglan went on to say that she had a happy holiday and that she had a sister. She read out Zhang Chunlan's address and the favors Zhang Chunlan had done in the village before.

The other end of the phone was quiet for a while, the background noise was far away, and the voice was clearer: "Oh, I know, Chun Lanzi."

Zhang Donglan said, "can she also come to the store for a few months? to celebrate the Spring Festival."

The other party said, "there should be no problem. I'll think about it."

Zhang Donglan exhaled, and her sister's problem was solved. She feels a little relaxed, but there are still things to worry about, the matter is very small: what about her New year's affection?

When he is on duty at a drugstore, his monthly income is 2000 yuan. She is doing an account: during the Spring Festival this year, she will spend more than 10000 yuan on favors. This money does not include the cost of buying New year's goods during the Spring Festival. It consists of red envelopes for the elderly and children and scattered money such as marriage and housewarming.

Zhang Donglan is faced with a large family of six elderly people, four couples of the same generation and nine children. The biggest favor is for her mother-in-law, who is the dearest elder and the oldest steward. She wants to give her mother-in-law 3000 yuan.

The money should be given as a matter of course. During the Spring Festival, all the families' food and drink expenses are borne by their mother-in-law. In previous years, after Zhang Donglan gave money to her mother-in-law, she helped her mother-in-law and worked in the kitchen day after day until the end of the New year.

If you give 3000 yuan to your mother-in-law, your father-in-law will naturally give the same amount. Then there are several uncles, ranging from 400 yuan to 200 yuan, depending on whether they have helped their family in the past year. Finally, each child should be given 100 to 200 yuan, and some extra money should be given to college students and families with difficulties on hand.

Apart from this, it is the family of my mother. His mother has to give 1000 yuan, and his brother's children have to give several hundred yuan. The shallowest kind of favor is the 50 yuan each family gives when paying New year's greetings to their relatives.

The total amount of this money is more than 10000 yuan, while the relative human income comes from several red envelopes of the younger generation who have grown up, which adds up to only 1000 yuan. Besides, there is nothing else. Zhang Donglan's two children are adults and work in Shenzhen, but neither of them has any plans to have children.

For Zhang Donglan, the human feelings of the Spring Festival is a problem, especially in the past part of this year, there are a lot of human contacts, which embarrass her on hand. It is her top priority to spend the National Day and make up for the human expenses for the Spring Festival.

The moon admirers in the yard had dispersed. Zhang Donglan ate boiled edamame and drank rice wine, always figuring out how to get the money. She edited the news of finding a job and sent it to Zhang Chunlan.

When she got home and was ready to go to bed, she received a reply from Zhang Chunlan, and her sister asked her, "can you put together the silver meeting?"

Zhang Donglan has heard of a cash club.

Silver pooling was once very popular in Hong Kong. It is usually made up of 12 acquaintances, each handing over at least 1000 yuan in the first month, and then in the order of drawing lots.

In the first month, the 12000 yuan collected by the bank will be handed over to the person who draws lots and draws "one". In this way, the person can get a large amount of cash in a short time to meet his urgent needs, at the price of paying 1000 yuan in the next 11 months. you have to pay at least 10% interest, that is, 1100 yuan a month.

As a result, those who draw "two" in the lottery can get 12100 yuan, and so on, the later the person gets, the higher the total amount. This used to be a means of private lending and lending, and it was a way for business people to raise funds.

After returning home, Zhang Chunlan carefully calculated the same account as Zhang Donglan. After the calculation, she muttered with several brothers and sisters-in-law and drew a group called "money-collecting meeting". She did not explain too much. The name "silver-collecting club" has given enough meaning to the whole behavior. It is not only Zhang Donglan and Zhang Chunlan who are emotionally difficult to be human beings, but also many relatives who do not go out to work and do not earn a lot of money.

Zhang Chunlan and people of the same generation are facing a very similar situation. They are all held hostage by the increasingly frequent human exchanges in the human circle and a small number of dominant people, so they have to spend a lot on human feelings. But they are powerless to change, so they can only help each other in the traditional form of "cash gathering". Cash collection has a long history, but it is rare to use it in "returning favors".

According to Zhang Chunlan, this form of "silver club" was gradually mentioned a year ago. She was inspired by her relatives in the next village. Zhang Chunlan limited the participants to family members, from Zhang Donglan to her brother and sister-in-law. These people themselves are part of the human circle. They are more or less aware of each other's weaknesses and difficulties in human relations, so they choose to raise money, none of them will admit that the money will be used to "do human feelings", but in their hearts, they all know that each other will do so.

The saying of "Jiaohuizi" can be traced back to the Song Dynasty. The paper money in the Song Dynasty was called "Huizi" Fei Xiaotong analyzed the problem of "doing human feelings" in "Jiangcun economy". These analyses are also quite suitable for Zhangfang Village. Fei Xiaotong believes that etiquette expenses are closely related to major events in life: birth, marriage and death.

From an economic point of view, this kind of expenditure is an indispensable burden. Betrothal gifts and dowries are necessary preparations for new families, and funeral arrangements are necessary measures to deal with the dead. The feelings generated from these red and white events in personal life and related social groups make these etiquette more carefully arranged and cost a considerable amount of money. When an etiquette procedure is generally accepted, people have to pay this expense, otherwise they will not be able to pass these hurdles in life.

But this relationship has emotional value: banquets provide an opportunity for relatives to get together, recognize newly established ties and consolidate old ones. Kinship ties are not only emotional relationships, but also regulate various types of social relations. From an economic point of view, it defines people's mutual obligations and gifts given to each other on a regular basis, which for most people is a channel of financial assistance.

Judging from the importance of etiquette in people's lives, it is not difficult to understand why etiquette expenditure accounts for a high percentage of the family budget. In the same description of Fei Xiaotong's "Jiangcun economy", in Jiangcun, an ordinary family of four, the annual etiquette expenditure is one-seventh of the total expenditure.

In Fei Xiaotong's eyes, Jiangcun's etiquette expenditure is not entirely wasteful and extravagant, these expenses play an important role in social life. But in today's Zhangfang village, the situation is somewhat different. The Zhang sisters tend to regard human feelings as a kind of bondage, in which they are trapped.

At 8: 00 p.m. on October 1, 2023, Zhang Donglan participated in the "draw" of the cashier. This "draw" is actually the order discussed by everyone, without any randomness. The order is determined according to the economic affluence of each family. The more well-off families are on hand, the more they hand over the power to choose the order first.

Zhang Chunlan chose the collection date of January 1, 2024 for herself, ranking third, and her next is Zhang Donglan. They have already paid 1000 yuan on October 1, just during the day.

During her brother's lively "enrollment banquet", Zhang Donglan personally gave the red envelope to her niece who was admitted to graduate school and congratulated her. "academic success" was written on the red envelope.

In addition to the red packet, after inviting her to dinner is also a kind of human favor, she smiled and went to Zhang Chunlan, who was sitting in the corner. She had 10 banknotes in her pocket, which was her membership fee for October.

20 banknotes, minus 10, and all that is left is Zhang Donglan's remaining available favors during the National Day holiday. Zhang Donglan is not so worried, and the human relationship has been settled this year.

But there is still next year. What about next year? Zhang Donglan has no time to think about things that far away, but time will not stop.

(the characters in the article are all aliases. )

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